I myself can't believe it. I'm 40 years old today. When did this happen, and more importantly, why do my insides still feel 14? It's hard to celebrate 40. I feel like I should have achieved more by 40. My daughter, my great love, the reason I get up at all, needs to see me succeeding. If she doesn't, how will she know how to succeed?
I have less at 40 than I did at 35. I had a house, my mother, and a good career. I had all this at 35. Then I got separated, sold the house, and moved in with my mother to figure out what I was going to go with my life. Then a nasty thing called the Recession rolled in and since then I've been working at jobs that pay less than I made in college. I can't pay my student loans so the interest keeps accumulating.
I did my part. I did what they tell you to do to achieve the American Dream. I busted my ass since I was little to get into UCBerkeley, I took the necessary shitty (low-level) jobs to advance job-wise, I finished half my Master's until all of the above disasters occurred. I don't know if I'll finish it - my daughter's schooling is the priority and I don't have the money anyways.
I had the American Dream. Recession, please go away. Obama said yesterday that the economy is looking up, new jobs ARE being created. I hope so, and I hope they choose me for one of them. I have no family, just my daughter. My mother's stroke paralyzed her and she will be in a nursing home since 59 (she's now 63) until her spirit moves on. Seeing her in that bed not being able to ever leave and not being able to do anything without the help of people paid to help her, I know that her spirit is probably already dead.
